


Pumpkin Spice and Batgirl's Nice, But Red Hood's Full of Grumpy

by River9Noble



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Coffee Shops, Demisexuality, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Jason Todd Rare Pair Challenge, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Pumpkin Spice, Romance, Stephanie Brown is Batgirl, Thanksgiving, Tumblr: fyeahjaysteph, but not an au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27949649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/River9Noble/pseuds/River9Noble
Summary: Red Hood went to all the trouble of getting Pentabux to move into Crime Alley so he could wake up each morning to freshly brewed coffee and brood over it, alone and grumpy, just the way he liked. So it irritated the hell out of him when Batgirl started frequenting HIS coffee joint and trying to hang out with him.But Red Hood was nothing if not an asshole so surely he could get her to stop coming in all the time.Surely.[Written for the Tumblr: fyeahjaysteph November Monthly Prompt - Comfort Food]
Relationships: Stephanie Brown/Jason Todd
Comments: 23
Kudos: 85
Collections: Jason Todd Rare Pair Challenge





	Pumpkin Spice and Batgirl's Nice, But Red Hood's Full of Grumpy

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for the Tumblr: fyeahjaysteph November Monthly Prompt - *Comfort Food*
> 
> It's a coffeeshop fic without the AU - everyone is still their vigilante selves.

Look. No one said having a Pentabux in the middle of Crime Alley was a _good_ idea.

But apparently certain vigilantes (Steph wasn't naming names, but it wasn't her) took exception to not being able to get the strongest powered cup of pre-brewed joe money could buy (even if it tasted like shit) first thing in the afternoon right when they rolled out of bed, and said vigilantes (still not Steph) also seemed to have a knack for social media campaigns (although certain brother-vigilantes may have assisted), and the next thing Rogerton Joneses knew, even @Bruce-Wayne-Official (which Bruce swore to Alfred had been hacked, but Alfred still turned his nose up at his lowbrow son for a full fortnight for not only Bruce's shoddy taste in coffee, but also his declared preference for coffee over the Queen's beverage of choice - really, who had raised him!) was accusing Rogerton Joneses of classism for not only the lower overall number of Pentabux in Gotham as opposed to, say, Metropolis, but the distinct lack of a Pentabux in Crime Alley when there was a large, conveniently vacant storefront available (which happened to be situated directly underneath a certain redhooded vigilante's safeloft of sleepytime choice, but who was telling?)

It was quite the scandal for Pentabux.

Especially when the pictures of the empty coffee cup shrine in front of the completely vacated, available-to-lease storefront went viral. (The shrine _was_ a most impressive feat of engineering, Steph had to give him that. The seven-foot tall sad face only looked like it was made of carefully stacked, pathetically used, generic paper coffee cups. But Ja- someone - had filled each and every cup with cement, drilled a hole from top to bottom, and bolted each cup together with steel pipes, the end result being that when any random citizen went to kick the structure over, they broke their toes. Yeah, Ja - someone - wasn't here to play.)

So what was Rogerton Joneses to do? He'd upset his fellow billionaire and he really liked being Brucie's annual partner on the Celebrity Masters' Golf Tournament in Coastal City because Brucie couldn't hit a bowling ball with a baseball bat, let alone drive a golf ball, and if Brucie was mad at Rogerton then he might request a different partner this year from the charity organizers, who would bend over backwards for the Prince of Gotham because Brucie was disgustingly zealous about his charity work, and then Rogerton might get partnered with someone who could actually play golf, like Lex Luthor, who would make Rogerton look like an imbecile, and that just wouldn't do.

The day after @Bruce-Wayne-Official posted the photo of the despondent shrine, Pentabux announced that they'd obtained the lease for not only the vacant property in Crime Alley, but also for ten other locations throughout Gotham.

There.

That should appease Brucie.

But just in case it didn't, Rogerton also sent Brucie a custom-made golf shirt with "GOTHAM PROUD" prominently displayed under the green Pentabux logo. (Alfred didn't talk to Bruce for another week when the atrocity arrived in the mail, during which time he started burning Bruce's breakfasts, which led to Bruce calling the Celebrity Masters' organizers and begging them to pair Rogerton with Lex as a thank you for bringing Pentabux to Gotham, which the charity gurus were only too happy to do as a favor for 'dear Mr. Wayne, our Angel of Aid,' and yes of course, they'd keep it a surprise for Mr. Wayne's good friend Rogerton, who had so been longing to put a Pentabux in the lobby of LexCorp and would be absolutely delighted to find that he was paired with Lex this year, and wasn't their Brucie just the sweetest.)

So yeah. Steph wasn't saying that the Crime Alley Pentabux was a good idea, but it might not have been Jason's very worst idea, either.

The criminals who frequented Crime Alley thought a Pentabux was a terrific idea, though, based on the underground chatter that Steph heard during the few weeks of rushed construction on the new cafe. An overpriced coffee joint to hold up at will? That would undoubtedly lure yuppie unsuspecting tourists who'd wandered into the wrong part of town out of their cars for a caffeine fix? And robbers could look forward to making off with a free frosteecino and maybe a donut on top of the purses and wallets and jewelry every time they robbed the place?

Yeah, the criminals were pleased - until the Pentabux opened, that was. GCPD officers had strategically been offered free Opening Day drinks and cafe treats (available only at the Crime Alley location!), so the morning's business had gone off without a hitch or an armed robber in sight thanks to the sea of blue.

After the lunch rush dulled, however, and not a GCPD officer was in sight, a few lowlifes started to congregate across the street and began to eye each other, trying to decide who would be the alpha dog to attack the cafe first, when Red Hood himself (wearing only his domino, because coffee to mouth) marched into the cafe, armed to the hilt, and ordered a venti dark roast, black.

Red Hood proceeded to stalk over to one of the two comfy armchairs in the front corner nook and glowered at a nervous, overdressed bleach-blonde with a mom-cut who had clearly never been to Gotham before until she quickly vacated her seat. Jason then spun the chair around to face the door, unholstered a glock and set it on his lap, and sipped his black coffee with his legs stretched out long in front of him and a dark scowl on his face that dared the hovering bunch of would-be coffeeburglars to step across the threshold and make his day.

Red Hood drank his coffee (and a few refills, which the baristas insisted were on the house) for a full two hours before getting up and leaving, but he paused outside in front of the (bulletproof) store windows and pulled out a can of red spray paint instead of disappearing into the underbelly of Gotham.

The Hood deliberately turned and made eye contact with the shuffling hopefuls across the street when he was done.

No one robbed the store that day.

The Pentabux wasn't robbed the next day, either, or all that week, which may or may not have had to do with the fact that every day Red Hood slumped inside looking like he'd shoot anyone who spoke louder than a whisper until his multiple cups of coffee had revived him.

It also may have had a little to do with the prominently upgraded bright red security cameras that Red Hood affixed over the front door - and inside the cafe, and behind the registers - and the cellphone number that he had given the baristas with the order to call him 'if some motherfucker gets any ideas.' (He'd slipped them the number written down, but shouted the last part from the doorway just in case the people outside hadn't heard him.)

And if every fish inside a green circle on the store windows had been painted over with a red bat, well, surprisingly (or not) Rogerton Joneses never heard about it. He was, however, surprised to learn that his Crime Alley Pentabux was doing the best business in all of Gotham; he wouldn't have thought that the residents could afford his specialty drinks, but as he never came in person to investigate (the cafe was in Crime Alley, for crying out loud!) Rogerton Joneses never learned of the "Red Hood Special" ($1 for any drink or any treat, for any neighborhood resident, anytime except 1-3 p.m.)

Lowlifes stopped hanging around outside the Pentabux looking for an opportunity. Sometimes they slunk inside with a handful of quarters for a drink or cookie, but they never robbed the place. Red Hood got his coffee. Everyone was happy -

But none more so than Steph.

Because without fail, Jason hung out in his Pentabux (definitely, completely all his) between one and three p.m. each and every afternoon, and while speaking to him (or even daring to walk across his shadow) while he was still on his first cup of coffee would mean certain death, by his second venti Red Hood's scowl would soften into something slightly less lethal.

A fact which Steph had observed from her spy perch on the roof across the street, armed with Batbinoculars, while plotting the ins and outs of her Very Important Entrusted Only To Her Batmission which she was determined not to fail.

By the end of Pentabux's second week in business, Steph was ready.

* * *

Red Hood couldn't actually raise his eyebrow because it was covered by his domino, but that didn't mean that he didn't try when Batgirl (dressed as Batgirl and not as Steph, which was fairly odd for this time of day) strolled into his Pentabux around two p.m. on a Monday.

After placing her order (which was _not_ for straight black coffee, Jason noted with some inner judgment), Batgirl traipsed over to where Red Hood sat guarding the door while simultaneously nursing his second cup. She turned around the cafe's only other comfy armchair (which was always vacant when Red Hood was on the premises, as was that entire corner of the room) and slid it right up next to Jason's.

"Hiya, Hood!" Batgirl said cheerfully, plopping down in the chair to wait for her froufrou drink, Jason presumed, and he hoped to hell that was all she was doing, because he did not feel like company.

Spoiler alert: Red Hood never felt like company.

"Batgirl," Jason growled menacingly, in a tone as similar to Bruce's as possible, specifically that unique-to-Bruce tone that said you're-already-in-trouble-even-though-you-don't-know-why-and-probably-haven't-actually-done-anything-wrong.

Hopefully that would deter the perky blonde.

"I'm so glad we finally got a Pentabux close to home!" Batgirl chirped.

Shit, Jason had forgotten. Blondie wasn't scared of Bruce like the rest of them (the rest of them excluding himself, of course. Of course.)

(Really. He wasn't.)

Well, he could always grunt like the Big Bat. Maybe his lack of conversation would send her away.

"It was awfully nice of you to get them to build a franchise here," Steph continued on, undeterred and possibly, horrifyingly, even encouraged by Jason's incomprehensible noise.

"It was selfish of me," Jason countered. "I did it for myself and for me only."

Surely that would repel the disturbingly cute Bat with the nice bod who used to date his brother.

Batgirl looked at him reflectively.

"You're in a better mood on patrol when you start your day with enough coffee," Steph said, "and that benefits all of us, me included, so I still say it was nice."

Red Hood let out a long, irritated exhale.

"You should eat something," Steph said. "Have you eaten? You'd be in an even better mood if your blood sugar wasn't so low."

"I don't want to be in a better mood," Jason said.

"Venti pumpkin spice latte for Batgirl," the barista called.

"Be right back," Steph said, hopping up.

"Oh, goody," Jason grumbled under his breath, although that didn't stop his eyes from following Steph to the counter.

And oh, look, Batgirl was buying him treats. Really? Couldn't she just leave him alone like everyone else in the damn cafe (and the world) had the good sense to do? Why did Steph insist on being so damn friendly all the time? It was freakin' annoying, was what it was.

"Do you want the sugar cookie or the pumpkin cheesecake muffin?" Batgirl asked him when she plunked herself back down into the chair next to him, drawing her legs up into it and leaning far too comfortably against the arm closest to Jason.

"Neither," Jason said in as rudely dismissive a voice as possible.

"Cool, we'll split them," Steph said, breaking the cookie in half first.

"I said I don't want it," Red Hood grouched when Batgirl tried to hand him his half.

"Oh, I know what you _said,_ " Batgirl had the nerve to wink at him before shoving the cookie towards his mouth.

Jason opened his mouth to yell at her and got a mouthful of iced deliciousness in it that he had no choice but to bite down on, unless he wanted to look like an idiot spitting out food in public.

Much better to look like a baby bird being handfed, yeah. For sure. Definitely.

But… it was a pretty good cookie. And Jason never ate breakfast until way later in the day, but, well, as he chewed and swallowed, he had to admit… he was feeling a little hungrier than he'd thought.

"Ready for some more?" Steph grinned at him, so Jason snatched the rest of his cookie half out of her hand before she had a chance to attack him with it.

"Why are you even here?" Jason mumbled to Steph with his mouth full.

"For coffee," Batgirl shrugged.

"In costume?" Jason said suspiciously.

"Dude, we're in a Pentabux in Crime Alley," Steph said. "It's not like you're wearing your civvies, either," she pointed out.

"Because I'm protecting the place," Jason huffed.

"I saw the bats on the logos," Steph nodded. "Very festive. And they say Christmas is under attack."

Jason goggled his eyes at her before sliding them towards the store window against his will. Dammit, the red and green did look awfully Christmasy, didn't it? Well, fuck. But if he'd used black paint, it would've looked more like Big B and less like Red Hood and that was simply unacceptable.

"You want me to ask them to put some Christmas music on for you?" Red Hood decided to ask Batgirl with a wicked grin.

"Not until after Thanksgiving at the earliest," Steph said in horror.

It was November 1st.

"Oh, I'm sure it would be no trouble for the baristas," Jason said smoothly, making like he was going to rise to his feet.

"Hood!" Steph yelped, shoving him back down. "No! No Christmas music!"

Maybe that would drive Steph away from now on, Jason reflected. Then he could go back to brooding over his coffee in peace. (Not that he was his father's son, or anything like that, just because he liked to brood. So Red Hood liked to brood. So what.)

Yep, it was decided. Tomorrow - just in case Batgirl came back tomorrow, which she'd better not, because bothering him had damn well better not become a thing - Jason was going to have a special playlist blasting just for her. All this week in fact. Just in case.

In the meantime, he was owed half of a pumpkin cheesecake muffin.

* * *

"You want Christmas music on already?" Marissa the barista said to Red Hood the next morning with an utterly aghast face.

"YES!" Anthony cheered from beside her. "It's never too early for Christmas music!"

"Yes it so is," Marissa said, turning to frown at him.

"It's for Batgirl," Red Hood said persuasively. "In case she comes in again. She'll really like it. She loves Christmas music."

" _Ohh_ ," Marissa said immediately, turning back and giving Red Hood an assessing look. "I get it."

"You do?" Jason said, slightly confused.

Marissa winked at him. But - and Jason could be wrong, because he'd never really dated, but - it did not appear to be a flirtatious wink. More like… a co-conspirator's wink? And Anthony was grinning broadly at him and giving him a thumbs up. Um… ok.

"Well, thanks," Red Hood said, about to shuffle off with his venti dark roast, black, but Anthony stopped him.

"You want a pumpkin cheesecake muffin and a sugar cookie?" the barista asked the vigilante. "To share with Batgirl?"

"Uh, ok, I guess," Jason said, even though he had no intention of sharing with anybody, but most especially not with Batgirl. He was a little hungry, though, so sure. Whatever.

Jason sat with his coffee and treats for a delicious half hour of silence. Normally he wouldn't have finished his first cup of coffee so fast, but when your mouth was full of nummy baked goods it was kind of nice to wash it down with coffee, so he was already at the counter for his first refill (to the tune of "All I Want For Christmas Is You") when Marissa hissed at him, "Don't turn around."

Of course, Red Hood turned around, to see Batgirl there behind him, with an undefined expression on her face.

"...Christmas music? Really?" Batgirl asked the baristas.

"Really!" Anthony beamed at her. "Isn't it wonderful? I feel so festive!" he said, tossing a handful of cinnamon into the air.

"Um, ok," Steph said. "Can I get a venti pumpkin spice latte?"

"Coming right up!" Marissa sang.

Anthony glanced over Hood's shoulder and got a look of absolute panic on his face, so Jason looked behind himself, too and saw… nothing. Nothing alarming at all. But Anthony was quickly walking over to the confections case and taking out some food in a huge rush.

"Here you go, Mister Hood," the barista smiled at him. "Your treats that you ordered."

Red Hood gave him a look.

Anthony shoved the bag forward somewhat menacingly.

"Along with your coffee refill," Anthony said, pushing Red Hood's paper cup forward, too. "Your _treats._ "

"Oh, you got treats today!" Batgirl said, all bright and happy like always. "Good for you!"

Anthony wiggled his eyebrows first at Red Hood, and then jerked his head towards Batgirl like he had an awful crick in his neck. Over by the coffee machine, Marissa cleared her throat. Loudly.

Jason gave both baristas funny looks but took the treat bag, turning to go sit back down, when he noticed his empty side table and realized that he'd eaten all of his previous food already, which - oh yeah, his baristas had thought he'd wanted to share it with Batgirl? Why the hell had they thought that?

"I'll get… hm, which one should I get, Red Hood?" Batgirl was asking him. "Pumpkin cream cheese or sugar cookie?"

Red Hood opened his mouth to tell her to get whatever the fuck she felt like getting when Anthony caught his eye and winked. Oh. Shit.

"I already got both," Red Hood said, holding the bag out towards her. "To share with you."

Not because he wanted to share, but because the damned baristas thought he wanted to share, and they'd given him free food, which he definitely would pay for later (he didn't mind the free refills, hardly anybody ordered plain coffee anyway and if Jason didn't drink it they'd end up throwing it out at the end of the day) but anyway, Jason liked his baristas (it took a lot of guts to work at the Crime Alley Pentabux, especially during the hours when Red Hood wasn't physically there) and he didn't want to be rude to them (just to Batgirl) so he'd play along with their mistake so they wouldn't feel bad.

Jason could be nice.

Just not to any of the Bats.

They were like an allergy, or something. They made him asshole.

Steph cheerfully pushed her chair up next to Red Hood's and cozied up in it to wait for her drink. She eagerly took the bag of food that Jason handed her before he slouched back into his seat.

"That's so nice you bought us treats to share," Batgirl beamed at Red Hood. "You didn't have to."

"I know," Jason grumbled.

He knew and he had not. (Even though technically, yes, he was going to pay for them later.)

But Batgirl took his response like Jason was embarrassed or something, because now she was giving him a soft smile like she understood his discomfort (which wasn't discomfort at all, but irritation, and the fact that Steph couldn't tell the difference irritated Jason even more.)

"How'd you know I was coming in again?" Steph asked him while she carefully tore the muffin in half, trying to scoop an equal amount of cream cheese filling onto each side, and then giving Jason the one with more (and ok, well, shit. That was kind of sweet.)

"Lucky guess," Red Hood said sarcastically as he took his muffin half from Batgirl.

"Uh huh," Steph teased him. "And the music was totally all the baristas' idea," she said playfully.

"They love Christmas," Red Hood shrugged. "What could I do?"

Batgirl's eyes were twinkling and it was only because her mouth and hands were full of muffin when they called her name for her drink that Red Hood got up instead.

"I'll get it," Jason said, tossing his gun onto Batgirl's lap, which made her jump a little, but the safety was on, so whatever.

Blondie had damn well better get used to guns if she was going to start hanging out in Jason's Pentabux, which she seriously had better not start doing on a regular basis. For some strange reason, Marissa was smiling at Red Hood super weirdly when he came over to the coffee bar.

"You're doing great," she whispered.

"That's… good?" Red Hood said, totally baffled now, but Marissa just nodded and went off to whisper in Anthony's ear.

Batgirl was still licking her fingers off when he sat back down, and the only end table was on his side (because the second armchair did not belong next to Red Hood's, as evidenced by the fact that no one else all day long was stupid enough to put it there), so Jason held onto Batgirl's coffee for her until she was ready.

"Thanks," Steph said with a big smile when she took it.

Jason gave her his signature Bat grunt, which - oh holy fuck, it made her giggle? Come on, now. That just wasn't fair. How the fuck was he going to get rid of her? He'd thought for sure the Christmas music would drive her out but Steph didn't seem that upset by it at the moment.

Fuck, Jason was going to actually have to use real brain power to think about how to solve this problem, wasn't he? He did not have nearly enough coffee in his system yet to do that, so he slunk down in his seat and grumped to himself while Batgirl chattered on about how great the Pentabux was for the Narrows (it wasn't; the coffee was overpriced and tasted like shit and the store was the first step towards gentrification and Jason only liked Pentabux because their coffee was strong and the stronger his coffee was, the less of it he needed to drink, and the less he needed to drink, the less he needed to pee and - yes. That was an idea.)

Blondie was still yammering away by the time she split the cookie with Jason, but he was pleased enough with himself over his next ploy that Steph didn't annoy him as much as she would have otherwise, and anyway, Jason had gotten an extra half a cookie and half a muffin out of Batgirl showing up, so he supposed the day could have been worse.

Besides, Jason would be rid of Steph soon enough.

* * *

The next day, Red Hood went ahead and ordered two muffins and two cookies from the get-go, because he didn't want his baristas accidentally thinking that he ate Steph's this time.

"So, yesterday went well," Anthony said, interrupting Jason's first cup of coffee (which, what the hell? Had Red Hood not previously established the do-not-talk-to-me-ever-and-especially-not-on-my-first-cup-of-coffee protocol by now? He was quite sure that he had) and what was this?

Anthony was pushing Steph's chair into place next to his from its proper position of behind and turned away from Red Hood.

"What are you doing?" Jason said, frowning.

"Just getting it all ready," Anthony winked.

"Batgirl can push her own chair around," Red Hood pointed out.

"Now, Mister Hood, even a lady as strong as Batgirl likes to feel special sometimes," Anthony clucked at him before finally, blissfully, returning to the counter.

Why the hell Batgirl needed her baristas to make her feel special, Jason did not know, but she was from the Narrows, too, and was spending money at the Crime Alley Pentabux like a regular old resident of their shitty-ass neighborhood (although without the benefit of the Red Hood Special, heh) and Jason guessed that made ordinary people feel like doing nice things for their Batgirl. Like making sure that Red Hood didn't eat all of her treats which weren't really hers anyway. Whatever. Not his problem.

Steph smiled all happy and surprised though, when she came in and saw her chair in place, and that made Anthony smile, so Jason supposed it was a win-win for everybody (except him), but he planned to have his little Batgirl problem solved within the next hour.

"I'll be right back," Jason said as soon as Batgirl sat down. "Gotta piss," he said, getting up.

"Here," Red Hood added, tossing Batgirl his glock again. "Shoot anybody that makes a ruckus."

"Pretty sure I can just batarang them," Batgirl said with an eyeroll, although she didn't hand his gun back.

"Hey," Red Hood growled, completely serious now. He leaned down over Batgirl's face.

"Did I say to batarang them or did I say to shoot them?" Jason spat in a low voice. "A goddamn batarang ain't gonna be a crime deterrent, Blondie. Shoot their ass," he said, glaring right into Steph's eyes. "Capiche?"

"I'm not going to shoot anybody," Steph said, calmly gazing up into Red Hood's face, "so you'd better sit back down and hold your pee. Or else pee really fucking fast."

"Oh, my God!" Jason expelled in a torrent of frustration, placing a hand on each arm of Steph's chair now and caging her in. "You don't have to kill them," Hood snapped. "Just shoot them in the literal ass."

"Just hurry up and then you can shoot them yourself," Batgirl said peacefully, and she had the nerve to flutter her eyelashes right in Red Hood's face.

Jason growled low in his throat before forcefully pushing himself back upright and stomping off to the bathroom. The women's bathroom. (It was a single-person room. Jason wasn't a perv. He was just a man with a plan.)

Despite his stealth operation, Red Hood was in and out in record time and scowling himself back into his chair next to Batgirl. He reached over and grabbed his gun back from her lap, his fingers grazing her thigh the slightest bit as he did so (unintentionally, he had to get a good grip on the gun handle.)

When Hood leaned back into his own chair, he caught Anthony and Marissa aww'ing over him and Steph.

Yeah, it was totally cute that Batgirl couldn't be trusted with a damn gun. How adorable. Know what was better than a cute, sweet little vigilante too innocent to play with guns? A saucy, badass vigilante who could plug a robber in the ass like they fucking deserved. But sure. Batgirl was cute and oooo wasn't she so adorably innocent. Stupid civilians and their stupid priorities.

If Red Hood and his guns weren't sitting in their cafe every single damn day threatening to shoot anyone who tried to knock his coffee joint over, Anthony and Marissa wouldn't even have jobs. Or lives.

But they were Jason's baristas, so he wasn't going to roll his eyes at them like he wanted to, even if it was idiotic to infantilize Batgirl and then coo over her like that was a good thing.

Time to put Plan:Bye-Bye Batgirl into action.

"You should really drink some water with your coffee, you know," Red Hood said to Batgirl as she sipped on her whateverwhitewomendrinkyuppieshit. "You'll get dehydrated otherwise."

"Oh," Steph said, her eyes widening up a little bit.

Batgirl pushed herself up and leaned way over Jason, like her whole body in front of his face leaning, to peer at his side table.

"Where's your water?" Steph asked innocently.

"I drink a lot when I first wake up," Jason lied to Steph's face (literally, because she hadn't gone back to her chair yet and her mouth was right in front of his. Had she never heard of personal space? Seriously) "because I know I'm going to drink a lot of coffee right after," Jason finished triumphantly.

"Hm," Steph said, eyeing Jason somewhat suspiciously and finally, but way too slowly, inching back towards her own seat. "I guess I should get some water, then, maybe?"

"I'll get it for you," Jason beamed, jumping up (and accidentally knocking into Steph's arm, because it was still way over on his side. Maybe that would teach her to stay put.)

Jason strolled up to the register and plucked the largest bottle of water available out of the refrigerated display case.

"You are one slick man, Hood," Marissa murmured while she rang it up.

That was… alarming. Marissa hadn't gone into the bathroom yet so what the fuck was she talking about? Oh, God. His barista wasn't hitting on him, was she? Oh, fuck.

Jason had a strictly no-dating-baristas policy. No way was he gonna risk fucking up his Pentabuxic haven (which was becoming less and less of an island refuge and more and more annoying as hell, first with Batgirl showing up three days in a row and now with his damned baristas talking to him all the time like he was fucking Red Robin or something. What the hell was up with that? Should Red Hood wear his swords tomorrow, too? Maybe then they'd all shut up and leave him alone like he wanted.)

Marissa was looking at Red Hood like she expected some kind of reply in exchange for returning his Pentabux card in the here and now, though, and Jason didn't know what the fuck to say to brush her off but not hurt her feelings, so he settled on a simple, "Thank you."

That wouldn't give her any ideas, right? Right. Jason hoped.

"Here ya go. Drink up," Jason said cheerfully to Steph, handing her the giant sized water.

"Thanks, Hood," Batgirl said with a smile that looked oddly sincere and kind of thoughtfully surprised.

Huh, that was weird. It was just water. And part of Red Hood's nefarious plan. Heh heh heh.

"So, what are you up to these days?" Jason asked Steph with a dazzling smile after she chugged several swallows of her water. "Aside from batting around Gotham," he added, keeping an eye on the water level in the bottle.

"Oh," Steph said, and she looked even more surprised now. "Well, I'm in college," she said.

"For real?" Jason said, now the one feeling slightly shocked and startled. "I didn't think any of us Bats did college," he said honestly.

Who had the time? Or the desire to do all that fucking homework? Ugh.

"I'm the only one, I guess," Batgirl shrugged. "It's important to me to get my degree. I want to be able to get a good job one day," she said, "if I need to," she added almost as an afterthought.

"Why?" Jason said in confusion. "B's loaded."

"Our line of work is kind of unpredictable, you know?" Steph said to Jason's now curious eyes. "I might not always be able to do this. Look at what happened to Oracle," she said meaningfully. "Plus, my funding could dry up one day," she said with a little more concern.

Red Hood scoffed.

"That ain't ever gonna happen, Blondie," he said.

"I'm not part of the family," Steph said in a lower voice. "You're from the Narrows. You know what that's like," she said more pointedly. "I need to be able to provide for myself, just in case."

And Jason's mouth opened and closed, because he hadn't ever really considered the implications of Steph not being a Wayne.

"We'll always take care of you," Red Hood protested.

Steph bit her lip.

"You say that," she said, "but you don't control the family finances, if you know what I mean."

"I have my own finances," Jason argued (enough to subsidize all of the Red Hood Specials without barely a dent in his wealth, after all!) "And I promise you, Blondie, I will always take care of you. Ok?" Jason said, suddenly discomfited by the knots in his stomach when he thought of Batgirl worrying about money and feeling anxious, lurking on the outskirts of a rich family but not really part of the fold. That hit way too close to home.

Steph's eyes caught with Jason's and held for a long minute, and Jason thought maybe she was blinking away some tears.

"That's, um, that's really nice of you, Hood," Steph finally mumbled. "That means a lot."

"Do you have my phone number?" Jason said, suddenly unsure if Batgirl even had a way to get in touch with him without going through Oracle or one of the other Bats.

Steph shook her head no.

"I'll give it to you," Jason said. "Gimme your phone."

Batgirl hadn't broken eye contact, Jason realized, but she was fishing in her Batbelt for her phone and unlocking it with her thumb before handing it over to him, and Jason did not know why it felt oddly wrong to look away from Steph to put his number into her phone.

"Here," he said, handing it back to her. "Call me if you ever need anything, ok?" Jason said. "Do you have enough money for now? Is B giving you some?"

"Yeah," Batgirl said, clearing her throat a little bit as she put her phone back away. "Yeah, B's paying for college and my apartment and he gives me a monthly allowance. But in case anything ever happens to him one day, you know…" she said, trailing off.

"I don't feel right asking him if I'm in the will," Steph finished with a forced out little laugh.

"Well, I got no problems asking him," Red Hood boldly declared, "and I will. But I'll take care of you either way, ok?" he said. "Narrows got to stick together," Jason said, reaching out to squeeze Batgirl's shoulder.

"Thanks, Ja- Hood," Steph said, flushing a little bit but looking pleased and grateful.

Jason smiled back, feeling proud of himself. He'd been nice and it had actually made him feel better instead of worse.

Because it wasn't like he'd kind of sworn off being friendly or trying to help people or anything like that after trying to save his birth mom from the Joker only to get handed over to be beaten to death and burned alive. Yeah, Jason's pervasive instincts for self-preservation and his constant asshole routine were in no way related to his past trauma. Of course not.

Still, if there was one thing Narrows folk did, it was take care of their own, and Jason would be damned if he let the only other dirt poor Bat feel stressed about money and her future.

Even if she did keep showing up in his damn Pentabux.

"What are you studying in school?" Jason asked Steph to distract himself from his uncomfortable swim in the waters of kindness, and then Batgirl was brightening up and telling Red Hood all about wanting to become a nurse like her mom so it would benefit her vigilante life as well as give her a solid civilian career option, and Steph was drinking her coffee and water and Jason was drinking his coffee and they had finished all their snacks while they kept talking until Jason was looking at the clock and realizing it had gotten way later than he thought.

"Oh, shit," he said. "I gotta get going, I guess," Jason said. "I've got some stuff to take care of before patrol."

"Yeah, me too," Steph said. "I'm gonna pee before I go," she said as they got up. "I drank a lot. All that water," she grinned at him.

Jason's mouth popped open but no sound came out.

"You don't have to wait for me," Batgirl said, misinterpreting his hesitation. "We're going off in different directions anyway."

"I'll wait," Jason said, mentally cursing himself.

"Oh," Steph said, her eyes suddenly looking super happy and excited. "Well, ok. Thanks," she smiled, and then she was walking to the bathroom and Jason was shifting his weight around nervously while he waited for her to come back all grossed out and repulsed by the shoddy hygiene standards of Crime Alley Pentabux Bathrooms and Marissa and Anthony were both giving him thumbs up - yes, hooray, another safe shift thanks to Red Hood, thumbs up right back at ya, guys - but shit, he'd really fucked up, hadn't he?

Jason kind of hadn't considered that there might be a somewhat vulnerable person under all of the sunshine and sass that was Steph Brown. Because, like, she was STEPH fuckin' SPOILER ALERT Brown. Steph who'd gotten drilled to bits by Black Mask and bounced right back out onto the streets. Steph who'd bitch-slapped Bruce for baiting and testing her. Steph who'd had a baby at fifteen years old and given it up for adoption without even holding it. Steph who'd been brave enough to break up with Tim when she realized he loved Kon more than her, and Steph who was kind enough to still be friends with Tim afterwards. Steph who -

"You ready?" Steph said, back in front of Red Hood and looking like nothing was wrong.

"Uh, yeah," Jason said. "Is everything ok?" he asked Batgirl slightly guiltily.

"Yeah," Steph said with a funny look. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"I dunno," Jason mumbled, racking his brains desperately for a good excuse - "I'm not used to waiting for girls to pee," he settled on with genius intuition. "It seems like it takes longer than guys."

Yeah, that was good, because Steph was laughing at him now.

"It usually does," Batgirl said. "Especially because my uniform is a jumpsuit. I have to peel the whole thing off to use the bathroom."

Red Hood looked at Batgirl in horror (even though the image Steph had just put into his mind was anything but horrible.)

"Why don't you just wear pants instead?" Jason gaped at Batgirl. "Or put a zipper on your crotch?"

Steph started laughing so hard she snorted.

"Ohmygod, Hood," she wheezed, grabbing onto Jason's arm for support. "A zipper? On my cooch?"

"Or pants," he sulked.

"I like that a jumpsuit doesn't ride up or sag or shift around," Steph said when she finally finished laughing and was wiping some tears from her eyes. "It works better for me for patrol and fighting."

"But not for peeing," Jason said.

"Not for peeing," Steph agreed, waving good-bye to the baristas as she and Red Hood walked amiably out the door together into the heart of Crime Alley.

"So…" Steph said slowly when it was obvious that they needed to part ways. "I'll see you tomorrow, I guess?" she said hopefully.

"I'll be here," Jason said, because it was true.

It was his Pentabux, just for him and him only.

But maybe Red Hood wouldn't mind so much if Batgirl dropped by tomorrow. She wasn't turning out to be quite as annoying as he'd first thought.

* * *

Red Hood slid Batgirl's chair around next to his as soon as he got into Pentabux the next morning, and bought them both treats and waters and even paid for Steph's crappy sugarbomb drink and told Anthony to start it as soon as she came in.

Steph showed up while Jason was still on the tail end of his first venti, but he had determined to stop being an asshole (to Steph and Steph only, the other Bats could go fuck themselves, but Steph was Narrows) so Jason smiled at Steph quite nicely and even got up to pull her over to her chair instead of letting her go up to the counter to order.

Which… Batgirl took as Red Hood trying to hug her, oops. She gave damn good hugs, though, so Jason figured what the hell and hugged her back just as tight, trying way too hard not to think salacious thoughts about Pentabux bathrooms and the jumpsuits that had to be peeled off in them.

"I already paid for your drink," Jason said when they let each other go after a hug that went on a little long, it seemed like (not that Jason got enough hugs to be a fair judge, he supposed. Whatever. He'd liked it. Yes. He'd liked hugging Steph, ok? So what.)

"Oh, wow. Thanks, Hood," Batgirl absolutely beamed at him, and… well… damned if her sunshiney smile didn't make Jason's insides feel warm and gooey today instead of like a vampire getting burned alive.

Huh. Puzzling.

Well, it was a better feeling than the alternative, so whatever, Jason figured, sitting back down and handing Steph her treats.

"You got my snacks, too?" Steph smiled, and… wow.

Had Batgirl's eyes always been so sparkly? Was it just because Jason was seeing them in daylight for once instead of on the occasional joint-ass-kicking on patrol? Jason was sure he would've been distracted from fighting criminals if Steph's eyes always sparkled like that.

And… maybe he was staring into them for kind of a long time, Jason abruptly realized. He flushed slightly, 'cause he hadn't meant to be rude, and quickly looked down and away. Shit. Alfred had taught him better manners than that, even though Jason rarely bothered to use them, but since Red Hood had decided to be nice to Batgirl from now on, he really shouldn't have been staring at her like that. Oops.

When he dared to glance back at Steph, she was looking down, too, and biting her lip and… were her cheeks also a little red? Oh. Maybe because she'd been staring too and felt bad? It was kind of like a mutual rudeness, then, but she didn't need to feel embarrassed about it. Jason felt like he had started it, after all.

Red Hood reached out and squeezed Batgirl's shoulder, and she turned her head to look back up at him, and let go of her lip with her teeth so she could smile and she was definitely red, yep, even turning redder, but she looked so damn _happy_. Aw. She must have felt really bad. Jason was glad he'd reassured her.

Damn, though, Jason's tummy was flipping around in a really weird way. Was this what being hungry when you woke up felt like? Maybe his body was getting conditioned to expect snacks first thing in the morning with his coffee. Well, ok, stomach, they're coming, Jason thought to himself, but then Anthony called Batgirl's drink order and Jason didn't know why, exactly, but his feet were popping up to get it for her.

Batgirl's fingers brushed Red Hood's for a semi-long minute when she took her cup of coffee from him, and Jason's chest fluttered. Fuck, yes, body, ok ok more caffeine is coming, I hear you, Jason thought, and his cheeks smiled widely in response to his promise - he thought. 'Cause what else would he be smiling about, really?

"So, what do you like to do for fun?" Steph was asking Jason as he sat back down, feeling a little dizzy and woozy and like he definitely needed something. Caffeine and sugar, surely. That would fix it.

"Umm," Jason thought as he stuffed a huge piece of muffin in his mouth and chewed, "I love to read," he said. "That's probably my favorite thing to do."

"Oh, really?" Steph said, looking super surprised.

"Yeah," Jason grinned at her. "Why? I don't look like an intellectual?" he snickered.

Steph giggled.

"Well… maybe when you wear your swords," Steph said. "All the guns give a different impression."

"Well, maybe I'll wear my swords for you tomorrow, then," Jason said with a wink.

Was Batgirl flushing _again_? Well, it was probably just from her hot drink this time, Jason figured. He was totally putting his swords on tomorrow. Yep, he'd look very Alexandre Dumas. See who didn't look literary then!

"What's your favorite book?" Steph was asking.

"Pride and Prejudice," Jason answered without hesitation.

Steph's eyes lit up.

"Oh! I saw the movie," she said. "I really liked it, but I haven't read the book ever."

"Oh, you totally should," Jason said, smiling easily now and warming up to the conversation. "I think you'd love it. Lizzy Bennet is a lot like you, actually," he said with a grin.

Steph's eyes went wide.

"You think so?" she said kind of breathlessly.

Aw, that was really cute, Jason thought. Steph was clearly a big fan of Lizzy. Like, who wasn't? But that was sweet that Steph got so excited at the thought of being like Lizzy.

"Yeah, I totally think so," Jason smiled. "You're both sassy and feisty and determined and hopeful and speak your mind and don't put up with shit," he said, rolling all their similarities off his tongue rapid-fire.

"Ja - Hood," Steph breathed out, barely remembering to use his vigilante name. "That's so nice of you," she said.

It wasn't nice, it was true, and Jason said so.

Steph shook her head at him, but she was smiling and flushing and looked happy and dammit, that made Jason feel happy, too, this time, which was kind of weird. Red Hood was not accustomed to feelings of happiness. The closest he normally came was a feeling of satisfaction, like after he'd killed a bunch of sex traffickers, or after he'd successfully gotten Pentabux to move in downstairs from him, or after Bruce had lost his shit when the Gotham Proud shirt came in the mail.

But happiness?

It was… strange. But actually really nice, Jason realized, and seemingly related to Steph. Maybe… maybe Jason should think about keeping Steph around more often, then. Because he hadn't actually felt _this_ happy since - since - oh wow.

Since his first night out as Robin.

Shit. _Steph_ gave him magic, too? That needed to be explored, Jason immediately decided.

"I've never seen the Pride and Prejudice movie," Red Hood said to Batgirl. He usually hated movie adaptations of books but he wasn't going to mention that right now. "Do you want to come over tonight after patrol and watch it with me?" Jason asked Steph hopefully.

Steph's smile looked like it was going to fly off her face and out the window.

"I'd love to," Batgirl said, her eyes sparkling like diamonds that Catwoman would totally steal if she could.

"Great," said Jason.

They both smiled through the rest of their coffee and treats and discussion of Steph's favorite movies and Jason's other favorite books until they reluctantly rolled out of Pentabux a good hour later than normal, despite the Narrows residents beginning to crowd into the place at three for their Red Hood Specials.

Anthony and Marissa both beamed at Red Hood and Batgirl when they waved good-bye. Such overly friendly baristas, Jason thought, but they'd actually restrained themselves and hardly talked to him at all today, which only added to his good mood, because Red Hood did not like being talked to.

Unless it was by Steph, he decided.

* * *

Batgirl met up with Red Hood at the end of their patrol and they grappled back to the Narrows together, ending up on the roof of Jason's building that hosted the now closed-for-the-night Pentabux. Jason punched in his security code for the bulletproof, grated window of his loft and let himself and Batgirl inside from the fire escape.

"You want to get changed?" Jason asked Steph after he took his helmet and domino off, realizing suddenly that all she had with her was her uniform. "I can give you boxers and a tee."

"Oh. Yeah, thanks," Steph said, pulling her cowl off. "I didn't think this through," she said. "I guess I should've stopped at home first."

"Bag some clothes up tomorrow and bring them to the coffeeshop with you," Jason said. "I'll leave them up here for you for whenever you come over after patrols."

Steph's eyes opened wider.

"Am I… going to be coming over a lot…?" she asked Jason cautiously.

"Well, yeah," Jason said, raising his eyebrows. "I mean, I was kind of hoping," he said.

"Oh," Steph said very quietly, but with a very pleased smile. "Good. I mean, I'd like that," she said.

"Good," Jason smiled back. "Me, too," he said.

Steph smiled more at him and Jason smiled back, and he was getting his magical happiness again which made him feel even a little more friendly towards Steph than how he'd gotten used to feeling, so almost before he realized what he was doing, Jason pulled Steph into a tight hug that she returned just as warmly, and when they finally pulled back Jason thought he was letting Steph go but she was leaning forward on her tiptoes and - oh.

_Oh._

_Fuck._

Steph was _kissing_ him - and fuck wowamazingwowsothisiswhatkissingfeelslike and Jason was using his tongue, too, and trying to figure out to kiss her back, which didn't turn out to be that hard, after all, and ohmygoddidJasonsaybeingRobingavehimmagic because that magic was nothing - _nothing -_ compared to his Stephmagic and oh, wow, he had a girlfriend - did he have a girlfriend? Jason had never had a girlfriend - and she was _amazing_ and kissing her was amazing and she made Jason feel amazing and he was breathing really hard by the time that Steph gently pulled back and looked up at him with those sparkly sparkly eyes that Jason found so intoxicating.

"I - wow," Jason said very coherently, smiling like a goofball, he was certain of it, and he didn't even care.

"Double wow," Steph said back, nuzzling her face into Jason's neck as he cuddled her with one arm looped around her waist and the other splayed over her back while Steph's fingers played with his hair.

"Um," Jason said after a long minute of snuggly hugs, "is it ok with you if we date for awhile first before having sex?"

Steph turned her head to look up at Jason.

"Of course," she said in surprise. "Totally ok."

"Ok," Jason said in relief. "Thanks."

"It's fine if we take our time," Steph said gently. "I want to, too. I really like you, Jason. I'm not dating you just to fuck you."

"Good," Jason said happily. "Me, neither. I mean, I want to eventually, but... " he rubbed the back of his head. "I've never actually had sex before. Or dated anyone ever," he added with a tiny blush, and yeah, that was totally from embarrassment.

Not that he'd cared until about two minutes ago about his lack of dating history - Jason had been busy being Red Hood, for crying out loud! Stopping drugs and child trafficking! Becoming a major crimelord/superhero! Trolling Pentabux into coming to Gotham! - and he hadn't given a shit about sex, to be honest. He'd jack off when he wanted to, but -

"I've never been attracted to the idea of fucking a stranger," Jason admitted, wrinkling his nose up. "And you and me just started hanging out a few days ago…" he shrugged.

"Oh, I totally get it," Steph said, laying her head down on Jason's shoulder. "The only guy I ever fucked was Dean, my baby daddy. And I wanted to at the time, but looking back, Jase? He was _twenty_ , Jason. And I was fifteen."

"What?" Jason growled, low and angry in his throat, but not at Steph. Definitely not at Steph.

"Oh, yeah," Steph said, angry too. "And we'd just had the earthquake and I was shaken up and freaking out, like everyone else in the city, and then as soon as the bridges reopened Dean and his family left Gotham, and that was that. Like -"

Steph blinked as some tears filled her eyes.

"I didn't even feel like it was his fault back then, you know?" Steph said. "My choice, and I'd wanted it, and all of that - but -"

"He didn't want to use a condom, did he?" Jason said.

"Nope," Steph said bitterly. "Said he'd pull out. Which, yeah, he did, but guess what? Apparently you can still get preggers anyway from pre-cum. Not to mention diseases," she muttered, "but I'm clean, thank God," she added quickly. "I got tested."

"I'm so sorry that happened to you," Jason said softly, squeezing Steph closer.

"Thanks," Steph sighed, snuggling tighter into Jason's embrace. "So anyway, I decided after getting pregnant that I didn't want to have sex again until I was older and sure it was someone I loved, who loved me back."

"Oh," Jason said in surprise. "So you and Timmers…?"

"Never had sex," Steph said nonchalantly. "He didn't want to, either. I mean, he wanted to someday when he was older, but... "

"I'm glad I'm not the only one," Jason said, feeling slightly relieved. "Sometimes I felt like a real freak of nature."

"Well…" Steph said, her eyes twinkling.

"Don't you dare say it, Blondie!" Jason threatened her with a mock growl.

"I mean, you did die and come back to life…" Steph teased.

"So did you!" Jason pouted.

"I only died on the table and Leslie revived me," Steph protested.

"Twice," Jason pointed out.

"I didn't get buried," Steph countered.

"I could change that," Jason teased.

"Jason!" Steph yelled, beginning to laugh.

"What?" Jason said innocently. "It doesn't feel fair to me that I got to dig myself out of my own grave and my girlfriend didn't have that experience."

"Am I your girlfriend?" Steph said, suddenly lighting up like a Christmas tree, but six weeks early.

"Of course you are," Jason said in surprise. "If you want to be."

"Of course I want to be," Steph beamed at Jason, squeezing her arms tighter around Jason and giving him happy little kisses that felt like magic.

Christmas was definitely coming early this year, and Jason was totally ok with that.

* * *

Steph had ended up sleeping over at Jason's after the movie ended (in his bed, but he took the couch, although Steph had insisted she'd take the couch the next time) so Batgirl and Red Hood walked into Pentabux the next morning hand in hand.

Anthony and Marissa squee'd so loudly that everyone still in the shop nursing their Red Hood Specials turned around to look at them.

"We're cool," Anthony announced quickly and loudly to the entire store. "Totally cool. Shutting up. Nothing to see here."

Marissa made a zipped-lip motion with her hand, but she and Anthony couldn't stop grinning at Red Hood and Batgirl as they made their way up to the counter to order.

"You guys got together!" Marissa squealed as quietly as she could.

"Yeah," Red Hood said.

"What did I tell you, girl?" Anthony said to Marissa. "By the end of the week, I said."

"I said by the end of next week," Marissa pointed out, "so I wasn't that far off."

"Totally far off," Anthony tsk'd at her. "You're cleaning the bathrooms today."

"Fine," Marissa grumbled.

Jason jumped guiltily. He hadn't considered who would clean the bathrooms when he had left his little (enormous) (filthy disgusting) surprise in the women's room the other day for Steph.

Jason liked his baristas.

Aw, crap.

Literally.

"How - how clean do the bathrooms usually stay?" Jason asked nervously, his conscience pushing the words out. "I can make some threats if anyone is trashing them."

"Oh, they're fine," Marissa said, waving her hand at him. "People here keep them really clean, actually. All of us Narrows folk are so proud to have our own Pentabux, everyone wants to take good care of it and keep it nice, you know?" she said.

"Oh," Jason stuttered out in relief, not even daring to glance at Steph out of the corner of his eyes or anything. "That's good," he said stupidly. "Well. Let me know if it changes," he said.

"Will do, Red Hood," Marissa smiled at him.

"Can we get you guys the usual?" Anthony said.

"Yeah," Red Hood smiled, "the usual. Right, babe?" he asked Batgirl.

"Right," she smiled back at him while Anthony and Marissa made heart hands over their chests.

"Coming right up!" Anthony sang cheerfully, moving over to the espresso machine to make Batgirl's pumpkin spice while Marissa got Red Hood's plain coffee and their snacks.

"Thanks," Batgirl and Red Hood said, walking hand in hand over to their chairs, which were ready and waiting for them, side by side and facing the door.

"Why did you start coming in here, anyway?" Jason asked Steph while they waited for her drink. "I know it wasn't just for the coffee, so don't even lie."

"Oh," Steph said, looking uncomfortable. "Well. Yeah. Agent A wanted me to try to get you to come to his Thanksgiving dinner," she said. "I was gonna be there, too," Steph said quickly.

But," Steph added, as Red Hood started to scowl, "it turns out I can't go to Agent A's because my mom actually got the day off from the hospital for once, and I can't bail on her to go hang out with - people she doesn't know I know - so… now that you and me are dating… I was kind of hoping you'd come to Thanksgiving over at my place instead?" Steph pleaded sweetly. "It'll just be me and my mom."

Jason beamed.

"Hell, YES, I will come to your Thanksgiving, Blondie," Red Hood said with glee, leaning over the arms of their chairs to plant a very happy kiss on his girlfriend's mouth (he ignored the joyous squeaking from behind the counter.)

"Are you mad at me, though?" Steph asked Jason nervously when he pulled back. "For coming around with ulterior motives?"

"Do I look mad?" Jason grinned at her. "I might even send Agent A a Thanksgiving card to say thank you."

"I'll sign it, too, if you get him one," Steph giggled.

"It's decided," Jason said, catching Batgirl's lips in another kiss.

* * *

Alfred's mouth turned down when he saw the return address on the greeting card that had come in the day's mail.

The Crime Alley Pentabux? Really? And addressed to Sir Alfred Pennyworth, rather than Master Bruce? The loathed Rogerton Joneses had best not be seeking to butter up Brucie Wayne's butler, Alfred thought with a sniff. As if he had been knighted. Sir Alfred, indeed.

The butler's eyebrows went up when he read the note's contents, however.

_Alfred, I know you promised me my own bowl of leftover mashed potatoes to take home with me if I got Jason to come to Thanksgiving, but then I figured out I could have my own Jason instead of my own leftovers and, well, I do love your mashed potatoes, but I'd rather have Jason as my boyfriend. Sorry! - Steph_

An angrily scribbled PS was scrawled underneath the original missive, however.

_You tried to bribe Steph with your mashed potatoes? Well GUESS WHO REMEMBERS HOW TO MAKE YOUR SECRET RECIPE, AL!_

_Thanks for accidentally setting us up, though. Great matchmaking skills, old man! - Jason_

Alfred smirked to himself.

Great matchmaking skills, indeed. He hadn't expected the couple to start dating until at least December.

_The End_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you liked it! This was my first coffeeshop story and it turned out a lot more fluffy than I intended. I was hoping to have Condiment King make an appearance, but ah well, the fluff won out. Happy holiday season, everyone!
> 
> Comments mean the world to me, please leave some??? 
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr as River9Noble. Come say hi!
> 
> Also, check out @fyeahjaysteph on Tumblr for monthly prompts, fic recs, fanart, and incorrect quotes. And, if you like JaySteph, you can message @dn-ky on Tumblr for a link to join the JaySteph STAY Discord Server. 
> 
> Please check out my other stories, too - lots of JaySteph, some rarepairs, and a few longfics (one very nearly done!)


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